Good Morals and High Standards

by Andrew Dempsen

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released August 4, 2017



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Andrew Dempsen Spokane, Washington

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Track Name: Born Bloody
I play the show. I can barely see the microphone. I feel a violence in my blood. My throat feels raw from singing through the alcohol, making my way through the crowd. I down the rest of the fifth in the bathroom stall, then head out in the rain.

I think I’m burning down. From the inside out.

I hail a cab from the dark night of my soul. Pay in cash, and ride back home alone. Roll the windows down. Let the city in.

We’re all born bloody. I’m still bloody. Conscience scarred from the sex and the money. I’m born bloody. Were all born bloody. Conscience scarred from the sex and the money
Someone talk to me. Please talk to me. I’m feeling lonelier than ever.

I move back in to the same house I grew up in. The same bed and sheets. I make plans to never make it out alive again. Talk to nobody for weeks.

Think somethings wrong with me. Really wrong with me.

Hello pain, my old friend, my old confidant, I left the key under the mat come in when you want and talk to me somebody talk to me
Track Name: Church House
There was a church House,
way up in the hills of the mountains
As white as a snowy morning
Before the plows come through
I was a boy then
Wide-eyed and bright-eyed and stupid
With not idea what I was doing
Just wanted somewhere to belong

But I saw who
Was hiding right behind the curtain
Got a front row seat to the circus
Saw the people of God
I saw a church split
Over guitars and a drum kit
Heard harsh words from the pulpit
Saw the lines being drawn

I saw the fights breaking out
Between the people and preachers
Between the students and teachers
Between the men of the cloth

I hung my head low
Slipped right out of the back row
Down the stairs to the side door
And wondered around for a while
(Or a couple years, I don’t really remember)

I lost some friends who
I still miss when I think back
And some that I’m not really sure have
Realized that I’ve gone

But I got a hole in me
The size of a church in the country
The size of a father and family
The size of a God I can’t see

But I don’t think that God lives in houses
Built by men with good morals and high standards
There’s so much that I don’t understand
There’s so much I may never understand

I’m not asking to come back,
I’m not even sure if I want that
It’s just all of these roads that I walk down
Keep leading me right back to you.
Track Name: These Saints
Father I don't have much to show
for the past few years I've spent out here alone
and Father I don't know where to go
but the places I've already been

And you and I have been on the rocks for a while am I wrong to assume it's my fault we don't talk?

Father I can't even keep track of how many times that we've had this same conversation,
But Father, I can't seem to reconcile
What I believe with what I feel inside
And I know the light needs the darkness to shine, but why, does it have to be so dark all the time?
I don't know,

I am the least of the Saints because I don't believe half of the things that you have said to me
If you love me the way that you say you do why won't you take this thorn out of my point of view?

Father I'm wrecked. I've got nothing left,
to fill up this hungry black hole in my chest
But I've been showing up
Been singing the hyms
Putting band aids on my missing limbs
But father I'm stuck and don't know what else to do
If I'm honest I know that you hate it too

And if I came home
After how long I've been gone, would all of my things be packed up or thrown out on the lawn?

I am the least of these saints
Because I don't believe half of the things that you have said to me.
Track Name: Floor Boards
Walking through the valley of the shadow of my former self
There’s no-one else for miles around
Nowhere I can rest my head tonight

You led me to the water but
I threw in stones to stir it up
Now there’s nothing left to fill my cup to drink

And Oh my God, what have I done
Sold my birthright for a glass of wine
Sometimes I hold it up to my temple like a gun
And I don’t know what happened to
the box that I had built for you
Fortified with platitudes
I think I buried it beneath the house

That was why I ran away
Through the night and through the trees
Through the dark and through the leaves
And Broke my heart on anything I could

You put your arms around me though
I kicked until you let me go
Cause I would rather be alone
Then let somebody love me
Track Name: Preacher
Hey, preacher please explain why things have to be this way
I don’t think I understand why things like this just “have to happen”
Please don’t tell me to have faith, and answers come to those who wait, ‘cause I’ve been waiting patiently, but even know I’m halfway out the door.

Hey Preacher please tell me, what it is that you see when you
Look at all this suffering, and when you get an answer get at me, ‘cause I’ve been waiting patiently, but even now I’m halfway out the door

And I
Don’t want to give up yet
I still want to believe
I still want to believe
But you’re making it hard
So much harder on me

Hey preacher please explain, ‘cause I’ve been losing sleep and faith, and nobody can tell me why everything good has gone away
And why I lost my brother to the dark, and his bloods still on my hands and heart, and I’ve been praying fervently, but even now I’m halfway out the door.

Just say what you mean, it’s getting hard to read between the the lines and things are marginalized and often mean the opposite of what you think you should I tell someone like me I need somebody to tell me what I should do to keep my faith from seeping out the window while I sleeping, I’m sinking deeper into the ether,
i have seasons of faith and seasons of doubt. I feel very doubtful of my faith. I know Jesus doesn't need my vote of confidence. i do. Six pack of brews and i'm
in over my head. i miss believing. i'm too easily deceived. I don't sleep well. well, maybe i should have trusted you. who's got my back? these days are lonely like the little prince, who's got his planet. crashing of the surface of a world who has damned itself to hell. hell, i need i minute, take a crash course in apologetics or genetics find a cure for the universe. but i believe in devolution. No solution. everything is breaking down. I have no answers I only have this faith Based on something I believed in when I was only eight and something stuck, and I've been stubborn and I've tried to shrug it off, but i can't disregard it. it's all I have.
Track Name: Mise En Scène
Complaining about the distance
between the walls in my apartment
Cause’ I can never seem to get enough space
Wearing tiny little cannons in the carpet
Cause’ I can never seem to stay in one place
Too busy trying to bottle up the darkness
Save it up and profit off the pain
But I got so tired of talking bout’ it
I decided to never talk again

I was writing the perfect cinematic ending
Frame the shot and build the scene
Keep the subject perfectly in focus
Tell a story with the cinematography
Que the music, then fade out to blackness
And roll the credits slowly cross the screen
But keep in kind of open ended
And never tell you what it means

But oh, my God
Oh, my God,
Oh my God what does it mean
Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God what’s its supposed to mean

Who's that knocking at the door
What crimes do I blame the devil for
And why should I listen to what these shepherds say

Are you really who you say you are
Cause’ I don’t need a bumper sticker god
Maybe we should hash this out
If I were strong enough I’d hold you down
I would wrestle an angle and break his collar bone

Prove me wrong (oh my god)
Prove me wrong (oh my god)
Prove me wrong (oh my God what’s it supposed to mean)
Track Name: The End of my Rope
Sometimes when I’ve reached the end of my rope
I am tempted to suddenly, just let go and to fall into nothingness
Silently curse God and die

And I know what you’re thinking, “boy, get on your knees and repent of these thoughts that you just shouldn’t think”
But what if I’m tired tonight, what If I don’t want to try

And I tried my best just to pick up my cross, but it’s there in the corner collecting dust while I polish off the last of the memories and wine

I listened to the voice of the tempter, I followed him into deserts and winter, but why does his voice sound so much like mine?

I reveled in comfort, and courted oblivion, emptied my soul till there was nothing but dust in it, ignored the ache and denied even knowing the light.

So many times

I feel like Peter the night Jesus died
With a gut full of sorrow and a mouth full of lies
Judas can’t take it and neither can I
I’ve betrayed my beloved so numb I can’t cry
Jesus, my Jesus, to hell with my pride, I’m sorry
To death, but still fear for my life
I don't know where to run I don't know where to hide
But I swear I don't know you, swear to God several times

But I’ve got all my eggs
Hanging on this thread
Track Name: Miracle
I’ve always liked this place the way the silence fills the space, it feels a little lonely and little bit like home to me, the way the sunlight’s streaming through the stained glass windows on the pews I feel like I’m alone with you and I can talk to you again.

I wish I wasn’t who I am, but what am I to do with that, I wake up in this body every day wether I want to or not.

And my wife thinks I’ve got a pretty heart, but it’s hard to see it in the dark, and I’ve been closing all the window shades, for days, and I’ve been losing hope that things can change, cause’ people don’t. They stay the same, and I’ve been the same for so long.

[c] I need a miracle. I need a miracle. I need a miracle.

I’ve been pushing all my friends away, cause’ I think I’ve started to believe that everything is temporary, and everybody leaves one day, and I’ve burnt some bridges in the past, some I’ve burnt because I had to, some I burnt because it hurt too much to leave them standing. Now, I’m standing here at the edge, wondering what went through my head, the night I lit the match, and sat watching them during down.

And if they’re on the other side, listening to the songs I write, and if they know I’m sorry, and I wish I wasn’t so broken, I need a miracle
Track Name: Sunday
I woke up on a Sunday
Couldn’t remember my name
Or the last place I saw it
Hope it turns up okay

I lay in bed for an hour
Counting cracks in my brain
Don’t know how they all got there
I don’t know who to blame

But I feel so worn down
That all I can do is pray
That the hope I lost
Is gonna come find me someday
But until then I’ll wait
Though I don’t have faith
That the ground beneath can even hold my weight.

I woke up on a Sunday
All covered in shame
From forgetting my manners
Forgetting how to behave

I got tried of pretending
I was doing okay
Got I tired of expending
All this useless energy

‘Cause I feel so worn down
That all I can do is pray
That the hope I lost
Is gonna come find me someday
But Until then, I’ll wait
Though I don’t have faith
That the ground beneath
Can even hold my weight,
But I’ll wait.
Track Name: Old Friend
It has been a long, long time
100 years, or maybe more
Or maybe it’s been five or six
Im never good at keeping score
‘Cause time it goes oh, so slow,
But wait a minute, where’d it go
I swear that I just saw it here just
A couple seconds ago, oh, no

I never told you why I left
That night in the freezing cold
When all the roads were soaking wet
And I don’t know how I made it home
And I never told you it was me
That left that hole in the wall
Next to the bathroom sink
I hope it wasn’t hard to fill at all

I think you’re a lot like me,
Or maybe I’m a lot like you
Both do the best we can,
To speak our minds, and tell the truth
But mostly we just get it wrong
And wear our bruises as the proof, oh, no.

I know things can never be
The same way that they were before
But maybe come this Christmas Eve
I’ll come nocking at your door
And we’ll sing the songs again
And hold our lighted candles high
And when the night ends we won’t speak
But from the street, we’ll wave goodbye
Old friends
Old Friend
Old friend.

Oh, dear friend it’s not your fault
I left you when things got too hard
The wounds If felt from others hands
Still make me flinch when I touch yours

So give me time, I’ll give you mine, old friend.
Track Name: Duct Tape / Orlando
Nothing is working
I’m spinning again
Nothing Is working

Look at me now
I’m not who I wanted to be
I’m breaking my heart
But I can’t seem to change a thing

Carrying baggage from so many years
Why can’t I lay it down
So many letters I can’t seem to tear up
So many things I can’t put in the ground
I don’t know

How many drinks do I have to pour in me
Before I see it’s not working
I can’t change myself
Believe me I have tried
To pull the darkness out
Using kitchen knives
To hold my halo up
Using duct tape and zip-ties

We’re just dirty little kids
Running with our scissors
Trying to cut a hole big enough to bury
All our troubles in it

I lay down my hands
Palms on the table
This is all I’ve got
This is all I am
As crooked as I get
Now you’ve seen the worst
The best
This is all I am
This is all I have

But if this means nothing
Than I have nothing
And I’m gone

If Jesus means nothing
If Jesus means nothing at all
Then I’m gone

It’s all I have

So come on lets go home
Lay down this bullshit
All the pain killers
All the tourniquets
Tear em’ off
You don’t need them anymore
And I’m talking to myself.
Track Name: The Hole and I Part II
The hole that I once talked about wasn’t in my town
Or in my house
It was in me
And everything that came leaking out
Weren’t my friends, weren’t my doubts

But all the things that I tried to love
And couldn’t love, or did but shouldn’t of.
And as time went on, I broke my heart
On so many things that I lost count
And all the pain, got way too real
So I just closed up, so I couldn’t feel
Shut my eyes. Shut my heart. Shut the blinds
Till the house went dark.

But Oh, my God, I still believe you’re good,
And I want to love, more like I should
But the pain’s too real. I can’t shut it off.
I can’t dig in deep and pick up my cross
Cause I’m just too tired and I just to beat
And I’m just too scared, and I’m just too me

You were once
All that I had
All that I needed
Before things went bad.
Now I feel
So completely lost
But I can’t dig in
And pick up my cross
So carry me
Cause’ I can’t walk
And I can’t believe
even though I want to
So carry me
Oh carry me
Oh carry me
Carry me
Oh Carry me
Oh carry me