The Hole and I

by Andrew Dempsen

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Part one of a trilogy of albums, "The Hole and I" is upbeat, moody, and darkly hopeful.

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released August 4, 2017

All songs written, performed and recorded by Andrew Dempsen 2017

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Andrew Dempsen Spokane, Washington

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Track Name: Pipe Dream Bombs
If I could tell the truth, I’m not sure it would matter much, I’ve got an open wound, I’m not sure you can sew it up, see I’ve got so many things that I’ve done wrong, buried in the basement of my heart, and oh, my God, am I so numb that I can’t tell apart, what’s real, and what I’ve just made up inside my mind, to help me sleep at night.

[c] I’m building pipe-dream bombs, inside my basement, building pipe-dream bombs, inside my basement, I’ve been mixing chemicals to help me fake that I’m alright, am I alright? I don’t know anymore.

Just don’t give up on me yet, I’m wrestling these demons to the mat, but they’re fighting back, harder than I expected, just don’t give up on me yet, maybe I’ll make it, I don’t know anymore
Track Name: The Hole and I
There’s a hole in my front yard, and it’s been there since march. I’m not sure how far down it goes, but I’ve learned not to ask.

There’s a hole in my old school, like the cracks that I fell through, though I never broke the rules, I never went to class.

There’s a hole in my home town, with people leaking out, and I’m not sure how far down it goes, but they're never coming back, you can bet on that.

Oh, I know you know already, but stay above the ground.
I Know you're feeling heavy but stay above the ground
I know it's hard to fight gravity, but stay above the ground.
Above the ground. Above the ground.

There’s a hole inside my head, it’ll be there till I’m dead, It makes it hard to think sometimes, but I’m getting used to it.

There’s a hole inside my throat, where my stories like to go, but I never know, what I’m trying to say

There’s a hole inside my house, with people leaking out, and I’m not sure how far down it goes, but they’re never coming back, you can bet on that.
Track Name: Dominos
One by one. The years fall down like dominos. What they hold, nobody here knows. Here they come slipping in like shadows

Raise a glass! You’re turning 21 today. Someone asks, what the plans are that you made. But you don’t know.

One by one, everybody says it’s getting late
And this was fun, but you’d rather be alone tonight anyway.

Raise a glass! You’re older than you were before today, and someones asks, how you’re feeling now, "are you okay?"
And you don’t know

You could break upon the impact of it now
Or you could thrive and this could teach you how to grow,
But you don’t know

One by one the years fall down like dominos
Track Name: Coma Patient
Coma Patient

Have I been talking in my sleep
Have I been sleep walking
Down these corridors and streets
Right out in the open
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Where everyone can see it
But I have a secret underneath
And I would like to keep it

Something feels broken inside
Maybe they should operate
But I’m scared of what they’ll find
Something doesn’t feel quite right
I feel so sedated, so medicated
All the time

I woke up and everyone was gone
Lapsing in and out of conscienceless
In a hospital at dawn
pretending everything was fine
Even though I was freaking out inside
because I knew nothing

I have wasted so much time like a coma patient
Let the years pass me by and leave my whole life vacant
Devoid of any life like a body in a basement
I learned revenge is never sweet
It tastes a little like cement

How could I shut you out for so long
I feel so sedated, medicated, all the time.
Track Name: On My Own
Gonna watch the sunset sink low on the horizon
Gonna watch the swing sets swing with nobody inside them
I'm on my own

Gonna roll my windows down, and let the summer air in
Gonna see the lights of town fade in the rear-view mirror
On my own

Gonna take some photographs and tape them to my dashboard of the friends that made me laugh that’s all that I can ask for out here alone, for the first time.

Hang your lights out the highest hill
So I can see them from anywhere but here
Oh, it gets so lonesome I can’t Stand it
Oh, it gets so lonesome I just can’t stand still
I just can't stand still

I’m trying not to run from pain, but to let it in like sunlight, or let it in like rain, you have to feel it sometime
Out here alone

Gonna take a little time, for me to feel the heartbreak
But in time I’ll be alright, even if It heals the hard way
Out here alone, for the first time
Track Name: All the King's Horses and Men
The day is coming to an end, the sun sinks low to set again and we’re all still stumbling and reeling.
And I was never half the friend I could have been or should have been, so it’s hard to say exactly what I’m feeling.
You were always smarter then the rest of us, there was no thought you could not direct to particles and reassemble arguments out of them
And you were always searching for a god that might out-smart you after all, but all you seemed to find here was religion.

If I had the faith of Abraham, I don’t think I would understand it better. And if I had God’s healing hand I don’t think I could piece this back together.

Do you think we’ll ever figure out what all of this was all about
And what’s up with this northwestern weather, and why I’m still standing here with everybody else out there when every one of them has loved you better. Can you forgive me for my nonchalance, and non-existent telephone calls, and how I never found the time to write you, 'cause after all was said and done, and everything that we've become, I always wanted to be like you. You told me not to take the word of anyone that I had heard, but to know for myself what I believe in, and you told me not to sell myself, short of anything less than complete and undeniable conviction

So if I had the faith of Abraham, I don’t think I would understand it better. And if I had God’s healing hand, and all the king's horses and men, I don’t think I could piece this back together again.
Track Name: Loosing the Elephant
I’ve been trying to loose this elephant as long as I can remember, sweeping him under the carpet and into the corner, but he's filling up the room and I don’t have time to hide him before you come over, so we’ll just have to pretend that we don’t see him there.

I’m in over my head

I’ve got a couple bad habits. I watch them spin slowly on the carrousel, but I never claim my baggage, just turn my back and pretend I’m doing well, that I’m doing well.

I’m in over my head.

I’ve been drinking too much again. There, If I say it out loud am I less of a hypocrite, than when I didn’t drink at all cause I hated the taste of it.

[c] But I’m in over my head. Take me to the water. I’ll dive right in and sink to the bottom and come back up for air.
I want to be new again.

I let everything bad that’s ever happened, really get to me
I let everything bad that’s ever happened, really stick to me
and I’m in over my head.
Track Name: Drum Machine
I remember my first cigarette, at least the first one that I liked
We were standing on the balcony, drinking cheap red wine from Dixie cups and I remember smiling.

But the last few years have been so damn heavy, maybe I’ve just seen too many, maybe all the good ones are gone.

But I am like a drum, repeating what I mean
I am like a drum machine.
I am like a drum repeating everything I am like a drum machine.

I remember when my eyes went red in the mirror above the bathroom sink, trying to figure out what my head was telling me

And the blinding heat on the concrete makes me, feel more numb than anything, and I’m barely hanging on
Track Name: Harmless
Honey, our fathers were wrecking balls
Last men standing but the first to fall
Casualties of some holy war
And we were the refugees

I feel dangerously close to being completely harmless

I swear I’ve seen this place before
Same old tile on the kitchen floor
Same old bones in the dresser drawer
And why I keep them around
I don’t know

Check my vital signs for any sign of life
get adrenaline pumping through my veins again
break my heart if you must
but wake my soul back up

I feel dangerously close to being completely harmless
Track Name: Lightning In a Bottle
Lighting in a bottle
Is hard for me to swallow
Cause’ I know tomorrow will come too soon

Lightning in a bottle, you’re hard act to follow
cause I know what sorrow will follow you

You know I’ve never seen a fire fly
I’ve never seen one up close
In real life
But if I ever caught a fire fly
That might be the closet thing
To catching

Lightning in a bottle
your foot on the throttle,
You’re never the same place I think you will be

Lighting in a bottle
You’re only half full
Of a half empty promise of returning to me
Track Name: When the Transformer Blew
Do you remember the night that it rained so hard that it washed the driveway out into the yard
We were all inside we were talking things through, you were talking to Jesus when the transformer blew and the lights went out, over us and over you.

Man, you wouldn’t recognize this place everything and everyone is changing just me, and the street names remain the same. The street names remain the same.

You remember the night that I saw you outside in your parent’s backyard in the snow with a cigarette, and I watched you till you wandered inside and you hung up your dreams by the fire to drip-dry
Track Name: Wish U Were Here
On the drive from Seattle past windmills and tractor trailers
The passengers in passing cars were your only neighbors
You turn to your mother say “do you know that I love you”
But nobody notices the dark cloud hanging right above you

And alone in your bedroom with the pictures of a childhood carefully hung
Of a boy who was happy once when he was very young

[c] I wish you were here now
We’d have so much to talk about
I wish you were here. now. I. Wish you were here.

I’m a little different than I used to be
Not so stubborn in all of my thoughts and beliefs
I just know that I’m broken, know that I’m wrong
Just know that I’m open and bleeding and raw
And I’ve got addictions that stick me like pins
In my stomach when I’m trying my best to shake them.